Nov 11, 2010

How God is Setting Me Free

Being who God made me to be has been a lifelong journey.  In the summer of 2007 I had another deep struggle with depression. For anyone who has been through that before, you know of the darkness found there. As I looked deep within myself to determine what had taken me to that dark place once again, I discovered that I was allowing the world to shape me, not God. I was seeing myself through the world's eyes and not as God sees me. It was a huge revelation to me, as I saw that I worried and tarried over what others thought of me. So much so, that it guided my conversations, and I talked with people based on what I thought they wanted to hear. It is very difficult to explain, but I was not in a good place.

But this time my depression was different. I knew this time He was doing an incredible work in me, purging my heart, and shaping me into something, someone different.  Now three years later, that lesson remains fresh in my mind.  I continue to grow in this area and sometimes catch myself as I realize just how very different I have become since that summer.  God continues to set me free from this people pleasing obsession.  I feel far more comfortable just being myself and not worrying about how others perceive me.  It had once been almost debilitating for me.

So who is God making me to be? I don't know yet. But as Joyce Meyer says, "You will never sense fulfillment in life unless you reach the goal of being yourself." I've been working on that the last couple of years.  Through it all, I remind myself quite often that no matter what happens in my life, I am living only for an Audience of One, My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  That is true freedom.


Michael G said...

There is a tension between doing right by others and doing something to be seen as right by others. We all struggle with this image and perception challenge. I find that it is hard to focus only on what God thinks of me...but when I need a spiritual-refocus, I find encouragement in Psalm 139. Here are a few verses that help:

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

God's view of us matters so much more than what others think!
Thanks for the transparency in your post.

Angel said...

I understand that struggle, worrying about how others perceive me. God has also been working that out in my life too, showing me that His opinion is the One that matters most. Thank you for your honesty here. Blessings!

Sheryl said...

Replacing the thoughts of what people think of me with thoughts of what God thinks of me is an arduous process. Keep up the good work!

Joy said...

Oh yes. I care far too much what people think, and change too much based on that. Finding peace within my own skin, in the person that God made me, is definitely a work in progress. I like Michael G's comment above, too -- very helpful insight.

Bonnie Gray said...

I like Michael G's comment too. What a great post to stimulate this important topic of letting go of what others think of us. The battle of words and choosing which ones shape us is close to my heart.

Thanks for making a space for it in our jam,Cherie!

walkingwithangels said...

I fall at his feet most days with this issue, I so want to look in the mirror and see true inner beauty. Its because of this desire that i am writing my life experiences down and working through some of the issues.Giving myself grace for the things i have done. Forgiving my young self for the mistakes i made. Depression has held me at times. God bless your journey.

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